Frustrated Insanity

There is a facade that exists for no other reason than it does. A society that thrives on misinformation, malice and fallacies. Institutions of education and bastions of intellectual discussion brought to their knees. A society that claims to be cultured and caring obsessed with being holier than thou in it's day to day interaction but within closed door an entirely new society exists.

Every day when people go out and interact with others, there will always be a smile, a curt greeting and a seemingly honest on one's day. Veils of tolerance and indifference to social ills, a seemingly humane and loving society that is built to show care. But far too often that it remains a mere facade of every day life. The moment an individual finds themselves in a far more secure environment,  then all veils are thrown aside. First come the accusations of fault in character, than the assumptions of fault in action. Every action driven by a need to prove one superior to another. What does this accomplish ? Does this show an individual is indeed better than the other because the other has presumably done something of dubious origins ? Or does it merely show that we are yet merely trash that bothers not with the effort of overcoming the chains that ties us to mediocrity. Look pass what the actions of other's are and look to what your actions are, the moment you can stand to answer for what you have said and done is the moment that defines you as an individual worthy of recognition. But if you only stand to take credit for the good and ignore the fact that you have indeed done something worthy of ire and pretend it is the fault of others, then you are no worse than trash of society.

What good do you have going for you when all you do is criticize them behind their backs, on social media, in your diary. Would you see change from when they don't know what change is needed ? Why do you then look at those who do willingly point out what they dislike, what needs changing or what they inwardly think and unafraid to show, with disdain and condemn them.to your screwed standards of right and wrong which makes it seem as if you feel yourself always right and always good to judge. The paradox of life that you live in, you criticize those that criticize others. How noble does that seem to make you, a protector of the weak. 

Nevermind the fact that protecting the weak is an insult to those as if they are so fragile, as if they do not have the ability. But you show them that they are in the right, that it is okay to remain as ignorant and stupid as they are, and you fight for them condemning the ones that actively try to correct them, and you build an umbrella for them to hide under the pretense that they are learning when truth is they are no longer bothered, they give up, they sell themselves short. They settle for mediocrity because we do not force them to accept the challenge and fight for their best. 

But we are a polite society, and it seems fair to leave them as it is, the ones who are great stopped caring as they realized, it doesn't matter if the stupid, the foolish and the ones that do not want to succeed stay that way, because it makes life easier for the great.

After all, not all of society can be leaders.

A random string of thought

Do what you feel you must do,
Believe what you believe is right,
Speak what you feel needs spoken,
Think what needs to be thought.

Write what needs writing,
Love what needs loving,
Act as you should act,
And never lie as best you can.

Care less about what other's think,
Care more what your heart says,
Temper more with your mind,
Not temper your mind with your temper.

Smile when angry,
Courteous when spoken rudely to,
Graceful when people around you are clumsy,
And treat others as you should be treated.

Take responsibility for your actions,
Don't be involved in others.
Stand firm with what you've done,
And never let someone make it seem wrong.

Find no fault in other's difference,
And have confidence in yours,
Have no qualms with others,
And stay true to yourself.

Work for what you want,
Never ask for what you will regret,
Remember nothing is your right,
And find humility when you're not rewarded

Let your mind wander
And write down what is wondered,
May others find coherence,
In places you find none.

Musings

Life isn't merely a day to day experience of one on one interaction.
Life isn't merely a brief experience that an action has no consequence.
And life isn't an experience where inaction won't lead to ill consequence.
Life is a journey and each decision you make are the roads you choose to cross.
And every road you choose to cross, you can turn back but you can't erase the fact you took the road you didn't want to choose.
And often there will be a time where the road you travel might seem at first preferable, but the road that cuts off the side that you could ignore, bears the most fruit.
Life is a journey with an end, and to that end we should lead our lives.
Because do we truly want to arrive at the destination with no clear indication that you have lived your life following your vocation, and without any distraction that you made the wrong choice.
Could we truly calmly pass, when He calls us, we have time to yet again regret that there was something we should have chanced.
Innately curiosity drives mankind and at the end our curiosity will be that which we truly have to face.

Why should we have feared taking the path that bears the chance of most fruit, and continue down a path that bears none.
Though many have said why chance failure when you can have mediocrity to which I answer, Why choose to fail without first trying to succeed
Life doesn't arrange itself in a pattern for you to discern, but akin to chess, it begins alike and there will a countless way to end, and only a matter of choices you make, the moves you chooe that will lend itself to that finality.
Why do we give ourselves so fully to ease and despair, yet not grab the hope for happiness.
Why keep what should not be kept and fill ourselves with grief.
Why must we fear fulfilling our potential.
And why must we perceive not achieving it as failure ?
Is it not the greatest failure to have never tried to reach ?
To leave oneself with no indication of potential or the inclination to succeed ?
Why is a journey so short be filled with so little when so much is there in reach.

Forever is unfeasible to imagine but imagine that as best you can,
and imagine yet the regret you will have,
if not only do you say no,
and have no heart to act true,
What an unending life could mean for you.
A shadow, bitter and cursing at the world.
For your own choice and your own wrongs.
For never doing what needds be done.

Yet again an insane man rambles on inanely.
Not to be heard nor given heed.

The Insane Man With A Nightingale

A man who many regard as insane, always lashing out and always angry. The man was always left alone, because no one who was sane would ever befriend such a man. Every day he would sit out on the porch of his house, throwing profanities at those that passed, seemingly never happy with anything or anyone. And when he returned to the safety of the four walls of his house, he indulged in a perverted sense of the arts.A mockery of painting was what laid bare on the canvas , though not mockery to all, merely an insight to insane art. Words of a story, not quite with a beginning nor quite an end lay meaningless on crumpled pieces of paper that no man paid heed. He was never satisfied with the art that he crafted and his dissatisfaction lead to anger, and further and further to insanity.

It was not long, before he stopped going onto the porch, stop shouting profanities, things he needed never seem needed and it was just him, slipping more and more into the inescapable valley of insanity. Late one evening, as day turned to night, as he lay staring into the ceiling of his home, he heard but a gentle tap on his window. Once, twice, and yet once more . Giving it no thought, he went for his window, unlocked it and peered outside. After all, he was quite insane. In came rushing a single bird, brown with a reddish tail, past the man and straight into the room, startled, the man closed the window and started looking for the bird.

Where he found this bird most surprised him, the bird was staring at his painting, looking over it much akin to a great artist were to see art. And the bird sang, a true song which seemed so beautiful, the sound of nature itself as if appreciating the art. The man, for some strange reason, felt suddenly his dissatisfaction wash away, here now was an audience, that though were not men, but much more meaningful in a way. The insane man, found himself grabbing once more his brush, and started painting , and once finished, was finally happy with the result.

The man couldn't let go of this bird, his muse, so he barred all doors, windows, and refused to allow it to leave, though with honesty it didn't seem inclined to. It seemed content just exploring the home of this insane man, content with watching him work and playing a song for him that always inspired. Of course, the man fed the bird often, making sure that the bird was contented.

Soon, the man found clarity, he found what many seemed impossible but he found a small thread of sanity within himself. He slowly found himself creeping out of what seemed inescapable, but ever so often seemed to lose his grip, with music of nature and insanity, this man created many great artworks. But as he gained more and more of rational thought, he could see that oft times, the bird would peck at the window it came and look ever solemnly at the man. At first he regarded it as nothing, but soon it was something, and eventually it felt as if the man had wronged the bird for keeping it with him.

One such day, one such moment, where the bird pecked at the window once more, the man opened the window. The bird stood there almost shocked, tentatively taking the first steps to leave the house, but always looking back at the man. The man held back tears for he potentially stood to lose the only being that ever understood him. The bird paused, and look at the man for answers, and receiving none, flew off for a moment and landed back on the window still as if to really know what this man wanted.

The man broke, and he spoke to the bird words from his heart, where though he knew that the bird might enjoy the freedom of the outside world more, but he could not part with the bird. The bird seemed to just understand what was said, but flew off anyway. The man, feeling his heart shatter, fell back onto a chair and was depressed. He opened his eyes to peek at where the bird usually sat singing it's song, but nothing. Suddenly, he heard a pecking by his open window. He turned and he saw the bird of his that he thought ran off. What joy filled this man that if the bird were human, he would hug it like a bear. He held back tears of joy and spoke to the bird, thanking it.

From that day on, the man never bothered to stop the bird from leaving, because he knew that the bird cherished his companionship as much he it. And the man soon became more friendly, and had friends though he never ever held his bird partner lowly, always praising it to the extremes. Great arts of works this man created from that day on and it appeared that a bird that seemed not to know it's significance was all that was needed to make a man complete . Never the bird seemed to leave for long , always returning to spend the rest of it's days with the man.

What the man did learn over time though, was that the bird that made him whole, was but a Nightingale, the song of nature, of the night and day, the muse of great poets and writers, and inspiration to many more . What small things can change in the big picture of things, one never knows till one tries, is it not ?

The Ice Inside Insanity

Fire and Ice, inherent opposites without description, no words need be put to highlight where these two stand , always taking the opportunity to strike at each other, one to ease the fires of the heart which are so very passionate and reduce it to yet another wasted smokescreen of forgotten dreams, while the other tries to strike harder and harder into the icy reflective surface, gnawing, clawing, tearing at it exhausting itself because of it's belief that behind the ice there lies a thing of beauty.

A dance that promises nothing more than pain for both yet never did either stop trying to best the other, watched as what was fire with unrelenting passion turned slowly to passive smoke, just a former visage of it's proud self, and we saw as ice became water, and smoke danced with water, an uncanny relationship, not intended yet happened regardless, an image of compromise showing that a mutual ground can be achieved, as water enveloped smoke, smoke dances around the cold grasps of the water .

As the beautiful dance, an anomaly that happened by chance, a rare event preceded by regular situations and proceeded by an unpredictable sequence of beautiful action, happens and defies all expectations, we fail to see that the fire has almost died, hiding the disbelief at it's failure by admiring the fruits of it's sacrifice, an amazingly beautiful dance that promises to him that the touch of death shall be not be too harsh , as if the tango of smoke on the water eased the would be pain . As the final licks of fire reach out for the sky, desperate for their last blaze of glory, the ice that has been forgotten cracks fully, and out rushes the reborn spirit of a phoenix, once so proud and glorious but captured within ice.

Glad with what it has managed to do, Fire is now able to die down into mere embers, and watch as the bird went free. But karma has yet other plans, as the Phoenix came down and took the fires as it's own, and in the end, Fire and Phoenix are united, the icy embrace of the ice prison, hiding the passionate fires of the phoenix are broken down and left ajar, waiting for it's next pray, hoping to hide yet another in there.

And through it all, the mystifying dance of smoke and water, the gentle tug of the waves, the rise and falling and smoke due to pressure, never stopped, maybe something beyond what people understand but nevertheless, having a meaning well within the grasps of sane men.

This insane man faces no more internal turmoil, for he knows that what the eyes see and what the eyes do not are very different, yet for some, they retain a magical and forcefully tied link, ensuring that meanings can never be measured without considering the other. The insane man also knows that what is seemingly unrequited can oft times just be a sign of the fear of love, and that it best be left to someone who is of course, insane, to wear down.

More into insanity

Forgive me for posting this, usually I don't really care about these sort of things.

Mind you that this is merely my opinion and I do not wish it be contention for or against the bersih rally or whatever. It is my opinion and as such, I am free to voice it and you are free to disagree , but I hope for maturity and that you will keep disparing comments off my blog.

Before I begin, let me point out the only reason I'm writing this is that too many within my circle of friends have been vocal about this and have blasted me for where I stand in this issue, which is that I don't care much for the rally. This piece might ruffle some feathers but what are we if not individuals who voice out what we wish . Freedom of speech and expression is it not.


My opinion (Mind you not public, popular or whatever, MINE)

Let's see first what was it they were campaigning for, I don't get it myself, Being so very reclusive I would have to first admit that that I keep my knowledge of affairs of things limited so I can politely excuse myself from conversation. But as a random check on this would reveal that they are campaigning for the same 8 things they did last time, of which 7 were agreed to and are being worked on.

And the reason for Bersih 3.0 ? Well apparently unsatisfactory changes to the system, well then Ladies and Gentlemen, did you expect such change to happen on the spot ? We cannot feasibily change that much in so little time. Give credit where credit is due and stop hating just out of principles. Throw aside those sentiments and see what good has come, your goals are noble, your methods are wack. You have already achieved what you wanted the last time. Stop being a pain, if you don't like it, vote against BN. Its been proven that they can lose and have lost in other states. If you think that's what you want, go ahead.

Of course, that's irrelevant to the discussion, I hate how the demonization of the police happens. Claims of police brutality and all that, let's just put it in numbers, How many people were gathered today ? Can there be any guarantee that NOBODY will be out of line and instigate police. Well thank god they tear gassed you, if you were in a more police-state, you'd have been shot. But you know, it's always the police's fault because they have the guns. Well, thanks for throwing responsibility of your own actions on others.

Put yourself in the polices' shoes for once, imagine having to control that crowd. And as much as you would like to preach that you are different and wouldn't strike out, think back deep inside. Would you really refrain ? Watching these people 'peacefully' march but throwing out abuse, and taunting you ? Not really no. You guys got off lucky really.

Now let's move on to another issue, how this issue. as vehemently as you want to claim that it ha nothing to do with politics, stinks of politcal sentiment . How you say ? What do you see happening ? A rally for the good of Malaysia ? A show of support for PR really. Think about how they manipulated you and use it as a staging point to plant the seeds of hate towards the present government. It may not be apparent, but see how the image is from people who did not participate, who thought of it critically. No matter what you say, you will be perceieved as supporting Opposition and this is exactly the image opposition wants right before election, to show that they have their faults.

And don't start calling me a BN supporter either, I'm not. I am just as opposed to what they are doing as well, whatever it is that comes to mind when I say that, but at the very least they arent affecting a KL in such a way that it stagnates the city and incurs losses for the people there.

Another issue that is really a big deal for me is when those that joined the protest willingly , brought their underage kids and others. Knowing that the possibility is there for all the carnage, you still brought your children . What are you trying to prove ? That even kids support the cause ? It doesn't prove anything other than the fact you are a bad parents and putting your children at risk. Even though you may come here and tell me you expected a peaceful protest. You must admit that you weren't exactly ignoring Bersih 2.0 and what happened then if you come again this time. What ? You are too stupid to consider the harms that it might incur for your kids ? Shame. And what a way to totally implant in their head early on that the Government sucks. You preach that you are promoting critical thinking ? You're not, you're promoting hate.

What will also arise in this situation is the counter productive effects it has on society. Which is a major reason I stand silent most times. What happens is that those who vehemently are for Bersih will be akin to cats and dogs when meeting someone who opposes Bersih. You the reader may not be this kind of person, but do you see how the Malaysian mindset works regularly ? Yeah, that is what happens. On this end, what is supposed to be a bonus to the rally, unity and desegregation of races creates a new impact which is ignored, which is segregation by choice, those for and against bersih, which leads to a situation that is akin to a slippery slope and will only get worse.

The composition of the rally was commendable, every sort of person was there, but really. How many were there that supported the same causes you did ? Who had their own agenda ? Who came because they wanted to feel the aura, who came because of friends and who came to look after those they worry about ? It was a rally, for a cause, but for what cause ? Were all the Bersih supporters really there for Bersih ? Especially considering the elections are round the corner.

Also, about wanting a corruption free Government ? It's good to dream but be real, find me a model country that has that kind of Government, then we can talk more on that, but as I stand here, no matter who the hell is running the country, corruption will still happen, not because that the Government itself is corrupt, but each individual subscribes to an innate nature to prosper.

Meh, I've ranted on about pretty much nothing. Just needed to vent steam I guess. But all in all, what is wanted within their Manifesto is good, but the law of feasibility makes it so that we have to give time for reform to happen, and if those reforms are even achievable, seeing thaat no country has achieved all those goals. Even the methodology to achieve the goals are somewhat flawed. Who am I to say though.

And as the statement goes,

Aku orang bodoh je, tak layak debat ngan korang . Korang semua bijak2 belaka. Aku ni bodoh.

Sorry if I offended anyone. Not really.
To be honest I still have more to say but meh.

The Truth Of Lies

Why do lies appeal to the soul ? The lie is a thing most would choose to pretend does not exist, a concept both foreign to them and utterly outrageous to have happen , but do we not realize a simple fact. There is truth within a lie. An absolute abstract concept, very contradictory but very believable.

What are lies really ? The bending or the falsifying of truths to another ? Or perhaps the refraining of information ? Perhaps a lie is something altogether but let us first see, what are truths . Truths are what we believe to be true yet sometimes we believe in something that has nothing behind their basis, no proof to allow your faith to stand, so if a lie were told, and was sufficiently falsified , and thus to you is proven , is it not yet truth in your eyes. And would not this lie, this false truth if you will, be something far more beneficial if say it was told in your best interest ?

Allow a situation where the truth would lead to the utter collapse of what you believe, would you rather that happen, or would you rather allow the truths you believe in stay and forever allow yourself the happiness ? And would it not be in that state the truth has prevailed yet unknowingly it is a lie to you ?

Perhaps the situation where a man were to lie to someone about what he does or how much he earns, is there no truth at all to what he says ? No, rather it is the truth of his soul as it bears what he so clearly wishes to see, a truth more akin to revelation than what truth is today

What about the very idea of a lie, it is with only a hidden truth, a meaning or thought to falsify or change can the very lie be made. So there lies within a lie an ingrained truth, and though this thought seems odd to some, outrageous to most and acceptable to those who know, realize that this is reality. To lie infers there is something to lie about which is truth. Therein lies the truth of a lie.

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Ramblings of an Insane Man, a thought process that never is fixed on rails. Akin to water sliding down a slop, though seems to have only one direction, we can never know if it decides to change.

Insane Love

I have her picture in my phone

Hear her voice when I sit alone

See her face when I go to sleep

Think of her when I'm in to deep

An unnecessary obligation to another individual, Take on burdens that without her I would never take. Love has never been a feeling of rationale but have you seen a man whose love's insane. An image of perfection of her which only he can see. But he doubts not his feelings for he knows that they are true, for fact or fantasy, she has taken his fancy and he can't resist.

A fish on the hook, a train on a rail, a man falling to his death, all inevitable and all this man is for his love is to deep. He can't seem to find a way out, for his eyes fail him, his hands refuse to answer him. The man hasn't realized that though he believes that its all in his hands, its just a fallacy and what he has is an illusion of the ability to run away. Not long more shall it be before he realizes then that he is unable not because he is truly unable to change how he feels, but he doesn't want to.

The man realizes now that he is in love, and he cares not. Resist it no longer he shall for though love may hurt and scar, but the man knows, this love is true and anything that may come are just illusions of trouble and a smokescreen to the truth. The end result as we know, is that he is in love, and is willing to die for it.

And through every fight, every reason to walk away and every inclination to be find another, he knows, that is not his decision, because every time he pulls back and listens to himself , he hears her name, sees her face. And he realizes he cannot live without her.

Such is the insanity of love, and though many will claim that this is not as is the same as what has been of the insane man, but truly, shall we really disbelieve that love isn't really just willing insanity.

A Story Of Insanity

A Short Story Of Insanity

What has been is less than what may have been, I see that my soul has born its share of horrors and has as yet remained strong. Though the story of the soul may be clouded in history in it's making and it's intricacies but realize that we bear our souls as best we can when yet we are given the chance.

Life has dealt to me what none wish to bear but of which many have borne and survived. Life has given me that feeling of love yet to have that very same feeling though strong and good in its essence, unrequited as it is , has broken the strength of mind that I held close and dear. I watched as it broke what was left of me, and left me yet a mess of a man, a rambing insanity that speaks of nothing yet of everything, speaking truths that none wish to hear.

The reality of my existence was ever a facade of what is not . A being brought into this realm purely for one reason, to exist and find purpose, but to what extent does a person wish to find his own purpose. I drifted through what reality may I find having no hope but to gain understanding, finding no other that completed me as though the fragments of my soul were built incomplete , no piece to be found that will fit that which remained empty. Realize as I have that though this may seem a drastic situation with no medication, trust that it may not be as it seems but realize that it may have been that like I, we are meant to serve no other purpose in life than to be brought into being.

But to have no purpose is not to be empty but just to be that which has no need to fulfill. Break the boundaries of your mind and see such as I, this is not a fallacy of being but just another state of being. Grasping on to something that does not exist like I have will only destroy what you have made with what you have.

I have allowed myself to fall into the emotional strain that is love, watch reason disintegrate into nonbeing when the fuels from the depths of my soul which have long thought been buried surfaced and destroyed. I watched it all burn down. My very soul burn. I have given my soul to someone that I thought to have been the piece that I have long sought. This force of something that rightfully did not belong to be where it no longer fit caused more harm than what good it could have ever done.

Steps to insanity it began, saw what was not , thought what was not in existence and began to question it all. And it destroyed me . The failure of those around me to bridge the gap , to bring me through this wreckage of my insanity, let me slip further. What I was failed to remain, failed to struggle on, and what is me was destroyed. A husk of a man, thinking of things that bear no meaning. The destruction brought upon an investment in which was unjustified and risking far too much to survive. Leave me to die for I am already dead, Insanity has taken me. No thought, no cohesion, a misdeamor of mind and an exercise in self destruction. The realization when reason is drowned by raw emotion, mankind makes its fatal mistakes. And realize that such has happened to I. A shadow of myself, an empty husk that no longer will fill, because I have went against my very being, my very purpose of having none. Unsatisfied with being noncomplacent, seeking what should not and destroyed what good I had.

The story of my life that of which had a woman, she who toyed with my very being, my very soul. Destroyed the fabric that held together the pieces , saw myself destroyed though she thought she was having her fun. Saw everything that was me slip away, give all that I am to her, my soul bared, but for naught . What was left of a mockery. To love and to have lost, and to invested my soul so dearly . A mistake where there will no be no reprieve. Just a fragment of what was left, struggling for a single piece and losing the puzzle.

And Insanity takes me.

A Perfect Imperfection

The Truthful Lie

The hold of reality

The lure of fantasy

Mankind was made imperfect

To find satisfaction living within imperfection

To achieve gratification and perfection

Will set yourself free, and will stop that which needs to be

The hunt of something which will never be achieved

To keep grasping for more and never satisfied

But really, isn't that being human ?

Thanks :)

 

Thanks a bunch , Hayani!

What will I ever do without you? :D

Sorry couldn’t help it XD oh and I have deleted your password from my memory. I don’t even know what it is right now. No worries. I don’t like Blog-jacking. Its horrid ;)

Design :)

Hello there fellow human(s) !

  I would like to point out that this blog has been through template editing. Yes, yes it is obvious. Stop rolling your eyes.

Truthfully I have no idea what to write here.

I’m Hayani. Not Haziq/Elethor/Elliebelly. Our writing styles are different even though I have learned from him. Over the past years that I’ve known about this blog, it has helped me improve my writing skills tremendously. So it was an honour for me to help decorate this blog to make it seem more attractive and exquisite.

Oh by the way, Haziq, if you want me to change the design just because you’re bored of it. Just ask :)

Keep writing, your words sometimes becomes the voice of our hearts.

Sincerely ,

-Hayani-

The Release

Long has time set still here, a bitter reminder of old habits, of long dried tears,

Of what was, what has been and what will never be again.

Time here lies waiting, it knows no end to patience,

Because time know's, you will come once more.

Imagine what thus has been, what you will never look back in your life fondly in, remember that moment. Cherish it. For what would life be if not sweet for those who have traveled through the roughest patches of life and have yet, came not unscathed but rather, has born their scars with what should only be known as Heroism. Seeing life come crashing down, but not at all surrendering, shows of a man who seems to have no fear, but do you not believe instead that he has conquered what all else deem impossible.

And though you may just laugh and call him fool for him to traverse such a obvious course that bears respite only at it's bitter conclusion. But know that he does not take heart, for he knows, what only men such as he knows, to overcome travesty, to overcome that which all claim impossible, is an accomplishment that nothing can take away.

And thus we see where time now hides, for the moment that the Hero chooses down his path and the Villain chooses to laugh and ridicule, time freezes yet a copy of itself in this very moment. And from then on this moment on, nothing but just reminders that can never be forgotten. Fond for some and crushing for others.

I began with a tale of how time sat still, but heed that what is seen may not be what is meant, and though time may see, yet unchanged in here, a picturesque moment from a forgotten time, if you look, you will see, these are in the past, and though nothing can be changed we must remember that everything must be learned from it.

If no man learned from what lies in time, Then man is doomed to repeat their sins,

Though man should forgive what passed, Never must they forget.

For though should the world split, time never will forget.

And time also knows, if you don't remember.

Then yet another has the pleasure.