Nothing

What strikes you hardest and knocks you lowest,

Is not to never try and never fail,

Nor is it to fail when you try your hardest,

But when you reach and claw your way,

And with all in reach and nothing stopping you.

And for you in that moment to let go,

And let it crash to the floor,

Shattering what you held after so long,

It is not the feeling of failure that fills you,

No words find form.

Trash, lash out, cry, scream,

Do everything to anyone or anything,

Nothing will change, nor will you feel relieved,

You had it, yet never did and never will.

Tragic, time never looks back.

___

Allow me to illustrate, imagine your goal and imagine every step of the way. Now as time moves slow and only ever forwards, you work and you toil. You fail and fall but always stand up. You struggle and you fight and never once do you consider the failure as complete. Imagine with every passing moment you struggle ever closer to your dream, and imagine every hardship you pass changes you just that little bit. And on this course you keep till the day comes when you finally can achieve what you hope to achieve or do what you want to do, be it a holiday or new job, children or surprise, so long as it was something you cherish and had worked for.

And at the moment where the summation of all that you have done and you have in your hand, you let it slip, be it due to the moment or maybe the events that you had passed will change you beyond being able to have what you wanted. You realize that the moment has passed. You just cannot change what happened. In the very moment that you would so have loved and appreciated it most, you lose it yourself and rip it away from yourself. And nothing can change that.

Because time only goes forward.

Allow that to sink in for a moment. There is nothing else to blame but yourself. Only that which you have done, that which you have failed to do, that which you chose not to do, the choices you made and the final action. It's a journey that finds the most breaking ending that you can have. It's just rather depressing, isn't it ? Rather disappointing no ? 

Reflex, rational, well thought or instinctual. Action, Inaction. Each and every one of these things will change what lays in front of us. A product of choice and experience, of decisions made and avoided, of influencing and being influenced. Is that not what we are ? And to finally have what we desire most and have it ripped away and none of these things matter because you were the fool. Isn't it just grand ?

I haven't typed anything up in ages, but it seems I still reek of a madman.