My Dream Their Reality

I sit there, merely giving them the briefests of acknowledgements as they speak their own language. Not once do I say that I do not understand them, that I do not understand their sharp words that are aimed at me. I merely allow them their fun, for what is life without fun. I smile and pay for my food and I am off, excusing myself with sweet words to allow them to enjoy themselves in their merrymaking.

I arrive at my place, sit back and think. For that is all I have left to myself these days and nights. For better or for worse I have come to a place where many roads lie before me and I have willingly chosen the one with more peril but promises most gain. Every step I take brings me ever closer to the limits of my sanity, my saving grace lies no more within the material world for that is I, one who holds nothing dear any longer. 

Many a day I have come to my study where I have no more left in me to smile, and those around me show their concern. Though my heart knows their concern is true my mind corrupts it as trust becomes rarer and rarer to place. Never before have I faltered in placing my trust but as it is, I may soon loose faith in more things than was ever thought possible.

Many times I have opted to go seperate ways when I was in the company of the people I know. They see me sit down and write, and though in reality I just needed to escape from the confines of their norm, I bait them to believe I am busy as not to hurt their feelings. I feel myself losing my grip on myself, as if I no longer even know who I am.

These problems tear at my very being day in and day out but I keep hoping to myself I'd cure myself of this sad state of depression. May those who it may concern in these blog never figure out it is they that I speak of.